Content Warning: Profanities and Aggressive Themes
Before diving into the content of this blog, I want to give you a heads-up: This may contain language that includes profanity or discussions of intense, aggressive, or violent scenarios. I believe in being as accurate as possible, but I also understand that this type of content isn't for everyone.
My goal is to foster open dialogue and reflection, but I also want readers to feel comfortable and informed before proceeding. If you are sensitive to such topics, I recommend approaching this blog with caution or skipping it altogether.
Feel free to explore, but take care of your own boundaries—reader discretion is advised.
She was a rising star of the corporate world and, I admit, she impressed me greatly when I first met her. She was by then already the regional executive director for our parent company in an important emerging economy. I was the regional manager overseeing our recent financial services investment – one that was proving itself to be an incredibly valuable asset for our organisation.
There was no direct reporting line but like many large conglomerates I knew it was important to keep people, especially those of influence, informed and ‘on side’. I spent time to nurture a good relationship. It seemed to work. Not long after meeting her she called and asked me if I could give a speech at her forthcoming team meeting. She had heard that I could give an entertaining speech.
‘’Of course’’ I replied. ‘’What do you want me to say?’’
‘’Oh, anything really…just so long as it is entertaining and motivating. I have heard you are pretty good at that’’.
‘’My pleasure’’.
And with that I had made my commitment. I was delighted to help. It represented another opportunity to help out and cement a good working relationship. What I hadn’t appreciated was the physical commitment that it would require. My diary was full as always but with careful planning I could get the plane over (4 hours one way) with another hour or more if I was lucky, travelling at each end. I was used to it, no problem.
What was a problem was the flight turning around after we had taken off and then returning immediately to Heathrow airport. Bird strike. The plane was grounded, and flight cancelled. My speech was due at 9am in the morning. What to do? Oh, sure I could cancel. It would be reasonable after all. But I really really hate letting people down. So, I waited and finally a new flight was laid on, travelling overnight to arrive 6.30am. With a bit of luck, I could just make it on time.
And so, it proved to be. Exhausted and slightly stressed I got to the country HQ. No time for hotel. I dived into the men’s toilet. Wash, shave, fresh shirt. I tried to regain composure, With ten minutes spare I made my way to the conference room. The whole team, maybe 30 people were already assembled. Before long Ingrid (name changed) the CFO introduced me. I went on stage. Made my speech. Honest. Self-depreciating. Suitably funny at the right moments. Poignant. With a rallying call for our higher purpose. Stage exit left. Applause. Much applause. I was happy.
More to the point, Ingrid pronounced ‘’that is exactly what I wanted Andy, thanks so much!’’
I was happy. My work done, I left. Only to fly to another country straight away for yet another urgent meeting. No need to tell Ingrid about my own drama and effort in getting there to fulfil my promise. Why make her feel guilty? Why spoil the moment? There was no need to invite pity in my moment of triumph. I was happy that I had fulfilled my commitment.
Roll forward then some months later. Ingrid was on the up. She was now promoted to the an even bigger role - in the division I worked in! I wasn’t surprised. She was hard working. Dedicated. And smart. And I thanked myself even more strongly for making sure that my effort to support her was resolute and successful.
So, what happened next wasn’t exactly according to the expected script in my head.
I hadn’t had the chance to congratulate Ingrid on her promotion. But the opportunity arose. We were both attending a division dinner – a hundred people or so. I spotted her walking towards the dining room. Here was my chance.
‘’Hello Ingrid, I just wanted to take the opportunity to congratulate you on your new appointment and to welcome you into our team’’.
It was a heartfelt statement. I was genuinely please that she was now part of our group and felt that with her talent and connections it could only be a good thing for us all. And I was pleased that we had a sound working relationship as a start.
She looked at me, hesitated and then I noticed, as if in slow motion her demeanour. A few seconds, what seemed like an age elapsed. Her mouth tilted upwards on one side as if in a slight snarl,
‘’Fuck off’’.
I looked at her aghast and, frankly shocked.
‘’Er…pardon?’’
‘’I said you can fuck off’’.
At this point, without waiting for a response, Ingrid launched into an angry diatribe about how her life was sacrificed on the altar of corporate service, as if somehow it was my fault.
‘’You have no idea….I have sacrificed my entire life for this company. I have moved countless times to terrible places without a thought or care from the board and here I am again, moved from here and there without any care in the world about what I want or my family needs….’’
Still shocked, and trying to take it in, I replied
‘’Oh I’m sorry, yes I can imagine it must be very tough’’.
She responded again, ‘’so you can just fuck off’’.
So, with that, I congratulated her again, a little less enthusiastically it must be said, and turned tail. Mental note: don’t go and see her again in a hurry.
To be fair, it wasn’t always like that. There were other times subsequently where I found her charming, pleasant, and her insight wise and helpful. But I wasn’t the only one to see that here was a Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde character.
‘’Best know beforehand what mood she is in’’, one of my senior colleagues from the USA told me.
‘’We call her Ingrid Gump….she is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you are going to get’’.
I also remember my bosses’ words the first time he met her. ‘’Yeah, she’s smart but I wouldn’t trust her’’.
If you think that behaviour is bad, un-called for, and poor in a Leader that should know better then you would be right. But it becomes insignificant in the context of the next experience.
Again, the preamble. He was also a new 'C' level appointment in our Leadership Team. My boss had already told me, with some irony it turns out, that if this person was the wrong choice, then he (our business unit CEO) was ‘’screwed’’. They turned out to be prophetic words. I realized very quickly that one or other of us would indeed be ‘’screwed’’ at my very first introduction with him. I shall call him Simon, although simple he certainly wasn’t.
We were having one of our regular leadership meetings, limited to the business unit leaders and regional execs and regular guests from HQ, say around a dozen people in total. We were introduced to Simon and soon had the chance for a one-to-one meeting to get to know each other. It was then, at that first meeting, I knew we had trouble on our hands. This, in Simon's world, wasn’t a build relationships meeting at all. It was a ‘’are you with me or against me’’ kind of meeting. He asked all the questions you might expect of someone sizing up the competition.
I felt distinctly uneasy and my feeling was not enhanced when some weeks later he invited me to dinner and suggested, blatantly, that ‘’if we stick together we could do so much here and show the others we mean business’’. I diplomatically declined to take things further. He left. Without picking up the tab.
But the real shock came some time later. At another leadership meeting. This time following an on site visit to one of our sister companies. It was part of our desire to get closer to companies we supported by financing their product sales. The visit went well. So did the meeting discussions. At least from my perspective. As always, I told the truth and wasn’t afraid to tell things how they really were and what needed to be done. It was clear from all the body language that Simon didn’t like it.
The room was quiet as the last few people filtered out of the meeting. The overhead lights buzzed faintly, casting a sterile glow over the table. A bit like an episode of Twin peaks but with more foreboding. I had a sudden distinct eery feeling, as if I was suddenly transported to a dark and spooky graveyard. I gathered my notes, ready to leave, when I felt a presence behind me.
"Hey, can we talk?"
Simon stood there with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. I hesitated, already sensing something was off, but nodded.
"Sure, what’s up?"
Simon motioned to the chair beside me and sat down, far too close for comfort. He had felt the pressure lately—upper management was pushing hard and he wanted to make sure that if blame was doled out it wouldn’t be directed at him. Everyone knew it. Still, I didn’t expect what was coming next.
"Listen," he started, leaning in slightly, "I’ve been thinking. You’ve got some influence around here; people respect your opinion."
His tone was casual, but there was an edge to it.
"I guess," I replied cautiously, unsure of where this was going.
Simon’s smile faded, and his voice lowered.
"I need you to be on my side from now on. You’ve got to show support for me, even if things get a little… complicated. It’s important."
There was a pause. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
"I don’t know if I can promise anything without knowing more details," I said.
That’s when his expression changed. The warmth drained from his face, and something darker took its place. He leaned in even closer, his breath hot against my cheek.
"Unpleasant people can do things to you, you know," Simon whispered, the words slow and deliberate. "If you don’t play along."
I froze. It was as if the temperature in the room had dropped ten degrees.
"Excuse me?" I managed, my voice barely above a whisper.
He smiled again, but this time it was cold, calculated.
"I’m just saying… not everyone in this company plays nice. If you’re not careful, things can get difficult for you. Very difficult."
I stood up, my chair scraping loudly against the floor. My heart pounded in my chest, but I forced myself to remain calm. "Are you threatening me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
Simon’s grin widened. "Of course not. I’m just looking out for you. We’re a team, right?"
I noticed his right hand had clenched by his side into a fist. I didn’t respond. I grabbed my things and walked out of the room without another word, my mind racing. There was no doubt now—I had just seen a side of Simon that I could never unsee. And I knew one thing for certain: I wasn’t going to let him coerce me, no matter what he or his "unpleasant people" tried.
But what to do? I contemplated speaking with my boss but immediately discounted this…he had enough issues going on in his life…so serious that I didn’t think he could take any more. Tell HR, a HR ‘hotline’ or even the police? It wasn’t so simple. I was also a senior manager….and where were my witnesses? Simon was clever enough to make sure that nobody was within earshot. It was my word against his.
For me the decision was clear. It was time to move on. I had always said that you know immediately when it's time to try something new. And I had found the moment. It was bad enough trying to manage the politics – being the umbrella to avoid all the negativity and ridiculous decisions reaching my brilliant team. I had enjoyed many years of building teams and participating in the success. But this, potentially physical threats against me, was a whole new ball game. And one that I had no desire to play in or even watch from the touchline. If this was the new world then time to jump off!
But my situation and my reaction to these things is one thing. I have thought a lot about these events over subsequent years, and it is important to say that these kinds of things are not acceptable – even less so today than they were some years ago.
Bullying or threats in the workplace have no place in any professional environment. These behaviours create toxic atmospheres, undermine teamwork, and damage morale, leading to decreased productivity and higher staff turnover. Whether it's verbal harassment, intimidation, or manipulative behaviour, such actions can have lasting emotional and mental health impacts on employees.
If you experience total disrespect, outright rudeness, bullying or threats at work, it's crucial to take action. Don't accept it.
Document the incidents: Keep detailed records of what happened, including dates, times, and witnesses.
Speak up: If you feel safe, address the issue directly with the person involved. Often, bullies back down when confronted.
Report it: Share your concerns with HR or management. Most companies have protocols in place these days to handle such complaints confidentially.
Seek support: Whether from colleagues, friends, or professional counselling services, getting emotional support can help you navigate the situation.
A healthy workplace is built on respect, and addressing these issues head-on helps protect everyone’s well-being. No one should feel unsafe or disrespected at work.
There’s a common misconception that being a “nice” leader is a sign of weakness or softness. Kindness and empathy in leadership are powerful tools that can make all the difference in building a successful team.
When leaders show genuine care for their team members, it fosters trust and open communication. People are more likely to give their best when they feel valued, respected, and supported. A leader who listens and responds with understanding encourages collaboration, innovation, and loyalty—traits that drive long-term success.
Being nice doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations or letting poor performance slide. It means addressing issues with respect, offering constructive feedback, and helping your team grow. In the end, teams led with kindness and empathy are more motivated, cohesive, and productive.
Remember, leadership is about lifting others up—not ruling with an iron fist.
Or bullying
Or being downright rude.
© 2024 Andreas Swadlo
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Are you concerned about workplace culture. Have you experienced unacceptable behaviour? Not sure how to respond personally or how to change a toxic atmosphere? With years of experience in senior international leadership roles, there is hardly a situation I haven't seen or been exposed to. Save time. Talk with me. Let’s work together to create a workplace where positivity rules and where individuals are respected and valued, whatever their title, position, or contribution.
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